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MUMBLE, MUMBLE.....(PART 3)

So you haven't packed your bags, put a purple sheet over your head and joined the comet then....well if you weren't crazy already you must be...you're still reading my drivel! You must be a mad as I am! (No accounting for good taste now is there).

Sick of hearing of the big bad internet are we? Here's a nice one. In London a wheelchair bound webber collapsed while playing scrabble on the net, his scrabble partner raised the alarm (she only knew his e-mail address) and lo and behold he was rescued. See we're not all depraved are we? (Well you must be, you read my pages!)

Did you know that lambs in England are being sprayed with a phosphorescent paint that glows in the dark to scare off the foxes....the mind boggles girls, is your partner having a hard time finding the right spot? One spray with this and your troubles are over, problem is that it apparently tastes foul, well one in two ain't bad!!

Do you practise "safe sox"? Research has actually been done to find out how many people wear socks in bed and whether or not it's a turn on...yeh?? It actually suggests that since feet are erogenous zones, that anything you wear on them must be sexy! Girls pull on them footy socks and he'll be jumping you on the couch and scoring goals instead of cheering the team...... grab your "Explorers" and he'll be swinging from the chandeliers and mounting Everest.....pull on a pair of humourous socks and he'll be tickling your fancy! Pity about me, mine read "Life's a bitch and I'm one too" (what hope have it got?) Maybe I should change to my cow socks and he'll be at the udders?!

And here's the last usual stab at the males...research has proved that marriage makes a man healthier. Apparently divorced men spend twice as much time in hospital, perhaps they haven't asked Wayne Bobbit about that one!