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Mumble, Mumble....(Part 21)

 

This page of mumbles is dominated by the papers' obsession with body parts.  Looking over the scraps I've saved from the newspapers, it seems that the funniest and weirdest headlines had something to do with anatomy.  Why?  I don't know, but here's some of them.

Take a close look at the ring-finger of your man's right hand.  If his index finger is shorter, then he's chockers full of testosterone.  Symmetrical hands and long ring fingers are likely to produce more children.  Picture the bar scene of the future...us girls have stopped perving at eyes, butts and biceps, instead our eyes are locked on the hand holding the glass.  

The minute he puts the glass down, we whip out our finger print dusting powder and check his prints.  The fewer ridges on his right thumb mean the greater chance that he's gay.

The guys meanwhile will still be ogling our breasts, not just for the pure pleasure of it, but to see what we are like.  For instance...small breasts mean cheerful but introverted, full breasts mean a materialistic mother type, bouncy breasts for good reproductivity and the pointy ones mean optimism.  This is all great, but where does the wonder bra fit in???

And still on the subject of breasts, did you know that the cloned sheep Dolly was named after the singer Dolly Parton because she started life as a mammary cell.  (I always thought that scientists were bent).

And we all know how annoying it is that different brands of clothing have different fits for the same size.  Well in Europe they designed a one size fits all condom but found that it's 4mm too big around for the average European male.   What cracked me up about this article was thought of measuring to find the 'average European male'.  

Thinking of condoms and sex, spare a thought for the poor unfortunate NASA astronauts who had to practise sex in space during shuttle flights to see if zero gravity affected reproduction.  Apparently they tried 10 positions, but 6 needed a belt and an inflatable tunnel to keep the partners together (the mind boggles).  And here I was thinking that women were finally admitted to the space program due to equal opportunities!

Even hotels are encouraging naughty behaviour.  The Protea chain in South Africa have free sandalwood foam bath with a label that says "Just Add Partner and Mix".   I wonder what comes next? 

Part 20