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Mumble, Mumble.....(Part 16)

 

What would you do if you were stripped naked, locked in a room with a pc and an internet connection and given $100 to spend on anything you liked that you found on the net?  Now...would I take care of my nudity, order in a pizza, or buy some shares???  The mind boggles really. Three people were actually put to the test, but alas, I haven't found any more news clippings to find out what they did buy. 

An Italian designer has invented a fabric that looks like cashmere, but is strong enough to save you from knife slashes or bullets.  Great invention I suppose but I'm still waiting for the material for parents, you know...the one that automatically repels dribble, vomit and loaded fingerprints.  Maybe while they are at it they could find a new fingerprint repellant for my pc screen (as I write this I'm peering myopically through the various smears).

Talking about kids, in Colorado a municipal judge is dealing out the perfect punishment for offenders who play their music too loud, he convicts them to listen to music they detest.  I laughed to read that one of the tunes used is the Barney theme song.  Maybe I should write and suggest the wav file for the hamsterdance site too, it's guaranteed to drive you nuts.

And talking of things that drive you nuts,I read somewhere that smiling too much at work can send you loony too.  Seems that jobs that require you to keep smiling to keep the customers happy can stress you out.  I wonder then what sort of stress funeral workers cop?  All those mournful expressions must be a pain after a while. What if somebody swapped it all around...imagine arriving at the funeral of a dear friend and being greeted by a cheerful smile. "Good morning madam/sir. Welcome to the happy funeral of the dearly departed.  Would you like a side order of flowers with that order madam/sir??"    And at the supermarket, a dour face at the checkout and a mournful sigh "We're here in your great time of need madam/sir. Would you like to view the contents of that trolley before we put them down the counter? "  And as they put the groceries through chanting "Ashes to ashes, money to dust"  ....nah, can't see it working somehow.

Sort of like imagining role reversal and men having babies. Believe it or not, Britain's top fertility experts have discovered that it's possible to implant an embryo in a man's abdomen and carry it to term. As I see it it could be a bit of a problem.....you would be taking away the last bastion of female one-up-manship and besides imagine the problems trying to fix your cars guys with a huge belly in the way....hmmm better leave that one to your imaginations.

Researchers have found yet another difference between the male and female of our species.  Males flip through magazines from back to front and females vice versa. The answers pretty simple actually. Sports news is traditionally at the back and that's why smart publishers put articles of importance to men on the back page.  So girls there's a good hint, if you want something important to come to the notice of your male, put the info between the last two pages of his paper.

Part 15 Part 17