Music Jokes

How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb?: Three. One to change the bulb and two to sing about the old one.

What happens if you play blues music backwards?: Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.

Two musicians are driving down a road. All of a sudden they notice the Grim Reaper in the back seat. Death informs them that they had an accident and they both died. But before he must take them off into eternity, he grants each musician one last request to remind them of their past life on earth. The first musician says he was a Country & Western musician and would like to hear eight choruses of Achy-Breaky Heart as a last hoorah! The second musician says "I was a jazz musician...kill me now!"

A conductor and a drummer are standing in the middle of the road. Which one do you run over first, and why?: The conductor. Business before pleasure.

Definitions:

detaché: an indication that the trombones are to play with their slides removed.

glissando: a technique adopted by trombone players for difficult runs.

subito piano: indicates an opportunity for some obscure horn player to become a soloist.

risoluto: indicates to orchestras that they are to stubbornly maintain the correct tempo no matter what the conductor tries to do.

senza sordino: a term used to remind the player that he forgot to put his mute on a few measures back.

preparatory beat: a threat made to singers, i.e., sing, or else....

crescendo: a reminder to the performer that he has been playing too loudly.

conductor: a musician who is adept at following many people at the same time.

clef: something to jump from before the soprano solo.

transposition: the act of moving the relative pitch of a piece of music that is too low for the basses to a point where it is too high for the cornets.

vibrato: used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.