THE WIT & WISDOM OF RASTA THE WONDERDOG.....
MORE ON DANGER IN THE HOME
My job as protector in the home is getting harder and harder these days....boy what a dog has to do to earn his biscuits these days! For instance, once or twice a week my mistress lugs this evil red round animal out of the cupboard, ties it's lead to the wall, and then pushes its belly button. I keep barking at her to tell her that it doesn't like it, I mean it's pretty obvious, it growls constantly and not only that.....it sucks up everything in sight!! Greedy thing snaffles all my crumbs off the carpet too. I've figured out that biting it's head while my mistress wrestles with it does nothing to stop it, so I run ahead and eat everything I can before it gets there. I'm not sure, but I have the impression that my mistress actually enjoys the physical activity....maybe it's one of those strange human sexual rituals or something.
She has another strange ritual she performs with the shed animal too. This one is even more evil. . Part of this ritual involves pulling its' tail several times, if it doesn't growl back at her, she gets quite hot under the collar and tries to growl at it! Sometimes the ritual looks like fun so I join in, and then she growls at me too! I'm starting to get jealous of this animal so I've decided to follow her when she takes it for a walk. Funny thing is that she never leaves the yard, just goes up and down and round and round the grass area. Strange beasties these humans, you never know what they're going to do next.
On the greeting of guests
I take my role of greeter of guests very seriously.....(take note of this younger pups), a house dog must ALWAYS be the first to the door and gate to greet the guests to the house! It is most improper for the humans or their pups to get there first, so the minute you hear footsteps, car tyres or such like, jump up and race out. Don't worry too much if a human is in the way, they should know better, just push through as best you can. Once I even had the chance to escort guests by myself when my master and mistress went out, funny thing is that these guests used the window around the back of the house to enter. They were most unappreciative too, after using me to hold their torch for them, they didn't even let me in!!!
On my new career
Since I have spent the last 8 years caring for my human family I have developed some interesting strategies for escaping my confines. Not wanting to waste this talent I have decided to launch my new career as "Rasta, the Houdini Wonderdog!!"
My earliest trick was to slip any collar the humans put around my neck. Next I progressed to undoing the collars...that stumped the humans for a while. But my newest and best trick is to open the garden gate. It's amazing really, the human pups can't do it, but all I have to do is......no I won't tell you, that would be giving away trade secrets now wouldn't it?! Suffice to say, that it works and I can come and go as I please. My next trick will be how to recognise the human that steals dogs and takes them away in the white car.
(Mistress's note: When I catch him doing it I'm gonna ground him for sure!)