THE WIT & WISDOM OF RASTA THE WONDERDOG...(Part 5)
ON MY ROLE AS THE RASTAHOOVER
A note to all you other pooches out there, there is food aplenty to be found in the human homes....if you know where to look ofcourse...and I, RASTA the Wonderdog am here to enlighten you!
Firstly don't bother sniffing round the object that holds your food, go straight to the source....under the table! Here I have found the most marvellous of flavours, just right for the discerning dog. A word of warning however, don't let the grown up humans know that you are there, creep under before the food is served and lie very, very quietly. To put the food plan into action wait until you hear the human pups whining (ungrateful I reckon) and then gently nudge the pups legs....food will magically appear below the table from their hands!
Another good source of food is in the kennel where the moving pictures are...the pups often cart food in there, sniff around a bit at the back of the soft things they sit on and usually there's a few yummy odorous bits and pieces there too.
Lastly, if you can escape your confines, even for five minutes, there's always a garden nearby with cat food left lying around too, I know because I've been raiding the one down the road for quite a while now.
On human barks
These humans have strange methods of communication....most of it is incomprehensible yaps and whines, mind you I'm picking up a few words now...like "down" which means jump up and put your dirty paws on their fronts, and there's "sit" which means stand steady on all four paws and look at them with your head on a cute angle, and lastly there's "out" which I know means I have to go outdoors, but this one doesn't have to be obeyed immediately, it sorta means to lie on the floor like a dead weight and pretend that you're asleep. One yap that is starting to worry me is "diet". Last time I head my mistress say this she stopped feeding me tidbits and chocolates and stuff and I had to raid the cats food more often...trouble is she said it again the other day and now they're only sticking dry yucky things in my bowl and even the pups aren't giving either. I'm worried! Funny thing is too...my mistress has been putting that rope thing on me and dragging me up and down the streets everynight this week, maybe she's too fat and needs my protection.
ON MY ROLE AS A HEAT DETECTOR
I have the most important task in the household in the Winter months....I must seek out the warmest parts of the human kennel to alert the humans. I am most indignant when they seem to think that once I have found them that they are entitled to a share of the warmth!! Just the other day I had the front of the fire pegged and my mistress actually had the gall to shove me out of the way, mind you I didn't like the look of the pile of wood she was dropping next to where my head was....I still don't know what all the fuss was about, her foot will feel better soon.
(Mistress's note: Yes, he's on a diet, he's looking more like a coffee-table than a dog!)