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We dogs as a species, being a higher intelligence and all that, need a special diet. The one thing I can't get through to my mistress (and this still troubles me greatly) is that she's got to stop feeding me dogs! I am not a cannibal! These tins she opens, it's obvious that they're filled with....oh horror upon horrors....CANINES! The pictures on the front, can't she see them?!!! All dogs! The poor pups in the pictures don't seem to realise that they're destined for the can, they're actually smiling. One thing for sure, I'm going to hide when she brings out that picture taking machine, no way am I being turned into tinned fodder!

Meat! I yell at her MEAT! I've seen real cans of meat, they've got pictures of cats on them. Occasionally she gets the hint, when she's preparing the humans meals and cutting up dead cows and sheep she throws me the odd tidbit, but somehow I've got to get through to her, hmmm.....maybe a midnight raid on those woolly four legged things out in the paddocks might give her the hint.


These human pups are a mystery....they're even harder to train than the grown humans. NO respect I tell you....when I'm having a wonderful well earned rest by the fire, they jump on me, when I'm having another well earned rest on the soft human seats, they sit on me, when I'm hiding under the eating platform, they kick me! Mind you, I've trained them to pass bits of human food down to me, all I have to do is give them the signal (dribble and drool...most unbecoming, but it seems to get through to them) and they give me all sorts of delicious things to sample, after all, I do reserve the right to sample all the food in the house.

Sometimes I help out the mistress and babysit the monsters so she can have her turn at the keyboard, I assume the position and allow them to groom me, most kind of me I must say, however I do draw the line at being dressed in human clothing. I do not find the wearing of human apparel at all appealing or humorous for that matter (must have a word with the mistress about that one!)


Must also have a word with the mistress about those round coloured objects that the human pups play with, I'm sure they're a weapon of destruction. I first saw one when they had a pup party here, there were dozens of the things loose in the house. The mistress realised the danger and tied them up in bunches around the room, but without heeding my warning she undid them and passed them out to the visiting pups as they left....doesn't she realise how dangerous these things are?!!! I saw three of them explode! Just about blew my ears out! And she doesn't seem to notice, not even when I sat right on her feet the whole time! I followed her as close as I could, but she still didn't understand about the danger these things pose. Oh dear, they're playing with some more now, I think I'll finish this up today and retire to a safe position under this desk.

Mistress's note: It's difficult for Rasta to type when he's shaking so much!