MUMBLE, MUMBLE....(PART 7)
I found a beauty of a news report in the local rag last month...it was about a scottish woman who went to bed with a headache (don't we all) and woke up speaking with a South African accent. It got me thinking about the first time I logged into the net and woke up (sort of) three hours later with a strange accent.....I started rolling my r's, saying things like WEBGRRRRL and URRRRLs. It got worse from there....next I started sounding like different animals and saying things like GEEK! (a mouse) MOO (yes, a cow) and NEWBIE (the mating call of some strange mammal). Come to think of it, I've seen people enter the pub and come away with an altogether different accent too!
When I give it some thought, the net has affected the way I look at life too, my small son no longer poos his pants, he 'downloads'. When the kids are too noisy, I no longer 'tune out' I now 'logoff', I don't collect junk mail from the letterbox, it's 'spam'. 'Hard-drive' and 'RAM' claim a whole new meaning too, but in the interests of decency I won't go into that. And I wish I knew a way to get rid of this constant crick in my neck through smiling sideways at people!
The net has taught me several things, the first being my age. How did I learn this? I frequent powwow often, and if I get one more 20 year old geek tell me that he "really admires mature women" I think I'm gonna scream!! The second thing the net has taught me is how to make a cup of tea in 20 seconds flat and be back at the keyboard before the next ICQ prompt.
Well....here I am half way down the page and I haven't had a dig at men yet (I do love the male of the species very much, but this is so much fun!) In London and new large shopping centre is installing a 'creche' for men. Research has found that men quickly lose interest in shopping with their women (fancy that!) and that if they set up a lounge complete with a sports bar, newspaper reading area and internet cafe, they can be assured that the women will stay longer (not being harassed by poor hubby). I can just see myself signing hubby in at the door, giving his beer preferences etc. and then trying not to cry as I walk out the door and see his pleading face through the glass door!
I did find a new invention in the paper that I could make use of for shopping. It's called 'motion capture' technology. In short little markers are stuck to a person and each movement moves an animated figure in exactly the same way. Well you see I could put the markers on me....wire up the kids/hubby and that way I could be sure of their every movement. Mind you, I don't think my hubby would look so good wiggling his hips through the mall :-) It could have other uses, but I'll leave that to your imagination!