Technical Glossary

Applet - A baby apple

Attachment - Where you can't bear to leave your computer

Bandwidth - the white area left on your left ring finger after you take it off to chat online to some good looker with your video-cam.

baud - ho-hum!

binary - what happens when you don't get enough fibre.

bit - teeth marks on your shoulder give it away everytime.

bitmap - a group of teethmarks.

bps (bits per second) - stop having sex with this person, you may get scars.

cache - what you don't have in your wallet after buying a pc.

compression - the size of your brain after spending too many hours in chat rooms.

cookie - the blue monster on Sesame Street

download - what we do in toilets

encryption - what they do to mummies in egypt

FAQ - If you say it fast it's a naughty word

geek - what I scream when a mouse runs over my foot

host - the woman with the tray of nibblies in her hand

hyperlink -quick sex

hypertext - typing fast

imagemap - the state of a woman's abdomen after child-birth

modem - the state of the grass after I use the mower.

newsgroup - a flock of gnu's

port - a good drink to have

proxy - a hooker that can't spell her name right

server - that cute waiter down at the italian restaurant

spam - a quick way to say "here's Pam" when she approaches

shareware - the town bike